Friday, March 27, 2009

Legacy - Part 1

They say you never get over the loss of a child. No matter how old that child is. I haven't experienced this and I hope I never do. I can't imagine what the pain must be. My grandmother has suffered this fate though.. twice.

I had an uncle who died before I was born. I found out as a teenager he had committed suicide. I'm not sure how I found out and that detail is unimportant.

I found out a year ago that my cousins, who are all much older than me, did not know that he committed suicide. They had just found out about it. I was shocked that their mother wouldn't have told them the truth. She let them grow up with a lie. A lie she created and kept up with. I was completely baffled.

Until I thought about it, and I realized, she was following her number one instinct as a mother. She was protecting her children. Protecting them from the questions that would inevitably come - why didn't he want to live? Why didn't he want to be with them anymore? She was protecting them from the guilt they would possibly take on.

It's common for children of divorce to feel guilty. "If I was just good enough, if I didn't get time out and if I ate my vegetables, mommy and daddy would still be together" Would these children have wondered what they did that was so bad their father chose not to live any longer?

It must have been quite a surprise to find out as an adult that the parent you lost as a child took themselves away from you on purpose... and I wonder how their few memories and ideas of their father may have been changed that day. I wonder how their feelings of their mother may have changed.

It is such a delicate dance we do as parents - striving to do a good job. Taking pride in our children's accomplishments. Working hard to mold them into kind, caring, productive people. Viewing their actions and choices as a reflection of ourselves. All of our parenting choices, the good and the bad, shape the legacy we leave that is our children. Sometimes, that legacy turns out to be something all together different from what we intended.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Why I Should Always Check the Pockets

"Something stinks in the laundry and my computer crashed!"

"OK.. I'm leaving the grocery store now, I can check the laundry when I get home. What's wrong with the computer?"

"I don't know! It crashed and I can't get it to reboot off the recovery disk and I'm supposed to leave and I don't have time for this bullshit and the clothes really stink!"

"OK.... I'll figure that out as soon as I get home"

This was the conversation my husband and I had as I was leaving the grocery store on my cell phone. I get home and stick my head in the dryer and sure enough, the clothes reek. They smell like fish. Which might not be so uncommon except that my husband doesn't like fish. So I don't cook it. I rarely feel like eating it, so if I want it, I get it at a restaurant.

I stick my head in the washer, it smells clean. So I rewash the clothes. They still smell like fish.

I run a "clean washer" bleach cycle on the washing machine. The bleachy goodness smells nice a fresh now.

I wash the clothes again. On Hot. With Stain Treat. With a Pre-Wash. With a Double Rinse.

They still smell like fish.

I search the vast intelligence of the interwebz. Powdered detergent was the only thing a fellow domestic goddess was able to use to get fish smell out of her laundry. So I go in search of powdered laundry detergent and try again.

Then my husband comes home from the gym - he's solved the mystery.

"you said the clothes smelled like fish right?"


"well.... I had my fish oil capsules in my pocket and didn't take them last week"

"Oh that explains it - it's your fault!" >this gives me great joy because I know I can work this into a shopping trip<

So I literally sniffed out the offending pocket and tried washing the clothes for the 5th time sans 1 pair of jeans. This was promising.. with the exception of about 3 items, the rest of the clothes smelled alright. I sniffed each and every article. A little disappointed about my foiled shopping plan, I put the clothes in the dryer.

When the cycle finished, I went out to fold the clothes to put them away. I open the door and the delightful odor of a shopping trip comes gently wafting to my nose. That's right... 5 washings and I could. not. get. the. smell. out. I had to trash the clothes. UGH. Lesson learned - I will ALWAYS double check the pockets even though 99.9999999999% of the time they are empty. My husband is usually really good about that. Most of the clothes ruined were his, but I'm not one to miss an excuse to go shopping. I'm just grateful his work clothes were not in that load.. that would have been a much more expensive trip.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Helllooooo? Anyone home?

Whoa... it's been over 3 months since I posted anything. I bet you're wondering what in the world was so important that kept me away for so long aren't you?

The answer is really disappointing - nothing much. It's been all about work and work.. and oh yeah, work. It's been a bit nuts for the last few months.

My husband's company went down in flames but thankfully he was able to find another job relatively easily. It's a temporary job for now but is very promising for hiring in another 6-8 weeks. It will even give him a raise from what he was making at that point. It's a pay cut for now, but not so severe we are in danger of losing our house or anything, but we definitely have to watch the pennies. It will be nice to lossen up a bit when he gets hired on. I really wanted to hit that 5 cent wine sale at Bevmo.

I went back to the gym. My mother enticed me to join the torture known as circuit training at the Y. It's not too bad - It's a good combination of cardio and weights and since you alternate between cardio and the next weight station every 2 minutes it keeps me from getting bored. I felt like a total wuss today though. I was on the weights following this guy who was twice as tall as me (really) and who was lifting 3-4 times as much as I was... but, I was there, and that's what really counts.

Work seems to be lightening up a bit so I'll have more time to catch up with reading the blogs I've missed and posting my scatterbrained thoughts every now and then. Just what I know you've all been waiting for.