Like Mother, Like Daughter

Sometime during the year that I was 3 I learned about the birds and the bees. I was a curious child and I asked my mother how babies got made. I was also tenacious because I was not satisfied with a simple when-mommies-and-daddies-fall-in-love-and-get-married-they-have-babies answer. I wanted to know the mechanics. "Yes... but.. HOW??" So she explained.

Apparently that trait has rubbed off on my princess. On the way home from daycare:

Sugarplum: Mom, before babies get born and you have a baby in your tummy, how does it get there?

Me: Umm... well.. that's kinda tricky.

Sugarplum: But how?

Me: Well... when mommies and daddies are grown up and fall in love and get married, they can make babies.

Sugarplum: HOW??

Me: Well... they can cuddle up together and use their private parts

Sugarplum: Private parts? What's that?

Me: Well.. you know.. your private parts.. when you go to the potty? Your body parts that no one touches?

Sugarplum: ok.... but I want to have a baby in my tummy while I'm young

Me: No baby, your body is not ready to have a baby in your tummy.

Sugarplum: YEEESSS!!!!!

Me: No baby.. you have to be a grown up.

Sugarplum: But I want when I'm young!!

Me: Well, you'll be young for a long time baby.


Next thing you know, she'll be asking me loudly in a crowded movie theater whether or not I masturbate. Like mother, Like daughter.

Stop laughing mom.

Struck Down

I've always said that pantyhose are the Devil's play things. Apparently God does not agree.

My brother got married on Saturday. It was a beautiful day and I absolutely adore my new sister-in-law.

This also gave me occasion to go out and buy a new dress because I had absolutely nothing to wear. I found one on-line and when it arrived I showed it off to my husband. He asked "are you going to wear pantyhose?"

"NO!"

"Why not?"

"Because the wedding is in August and the reception is outside and I'm wearing sandals. And they make me itch and scratch for 20 minutes when I take them off"

"Oh"

So Saturday comes and we're happily getting ready to leave and I put on my dress and sandals and make-up and perfume and jewelry and NO pantyhose.

We get to the church where I am in charge of receiving the flowers and getting them handed off or attached to the appropriate members of the wedding party and family.

We have a lovely ceremony and everyone takes off to the reception while the wedding party takes pictures and I help clean up the church chapel for another wedding coming in that afternoon.

You can see where this is going right?

So I'm running around in my dress and sandals and no pantyhose. Which for a lot of women is no big deal. Me? Well lets just say I don't have the thinnest of thighs. So mine, yeah, they rub together and cause friction. Not enough to start any campfires, but enough.

OH. MAH. GOT.

Never again will I go out in a dress without pantyhose. I have seen the light. God has struck me down in my pantyhose-avoiding ways. By the end of the night, my thighs were red, bruised and swollen just from running around all day.

BUT, it was a beautiful day, with a fabulous couple who I adore and I wouldn't trade it for the world.